A touch of Sweetness

Me, myself and i!

XxGraceoO
21
Singapore !
Student
SIM

Loves..

anyting !
$$$ :p
freedom
heels!
my frens & loves :)
my family :)
my melody ^^
KJK..Pornsak =D
play , eat, slp, watch tv etc..

Hates..

alot of tings actually
tests/exams?
getting hurt (it's nt a nice feeling)
all insects (eeeeeek!!)

^_^Wiishes^_^

to earn big bucks soon :)
more $$ pls
visit Korea!!
to go on vacation
to enjoy life ttm :)
to have more time/rest
frens, family & loves to be healthy & happy always ^^
life to be smooth sailing..
& to be happy always!!=)

...Links!

Grace Ng

Create Your Badge

...My past!

...Pls vent all angers here!!

MUSIC

Music Playlist MixPod.com

Sunday, July 08, 2012

just when i tot life is finally getting back to normal..just when i tot things are starting to get better & bad ones are getting away from us..just when i tot everything is okay..i was wrong..bad things nv leave us..they are always ard, only a matter of how bad..i really don't know what is f-ing wrong now..everytime i tot things are back to what they are supposed to be, something bad must pop out to mess everything..

mum's health has always been more or less the same since her major op 3 yrs back..medical check up every few months & report were always okay..now only left the op for her left eye & then more or less will be done..taking the med & having regular check-ups will be forever so i got nth to say..but now both her legs are swollen, for wat reason idk..consult GP & he asked her to go ttsh to check her lungs cos there might be a possibility of water accumulating there..but being the stubborn & un-cooperative her, she doesnt see the need to..wanted to force her go but it's not that easy when she is unwilling..don't know isit she doesn't feel right or wat, she suddenly says go for the check better...i know this will happen sooner or later cos we always encounter them..when she doesn't wan to see doc or wat, eventually she will hv to..just like the other time when she sprained her foot..heart, eyes, foot, lungs, high blood pressure...so what's next? i don't even dare to tink.

& so she finally agree to go ttsh this morn..woke up at a freaking 6 plus..& i slept at almost 3am yst..can die..doc did some tests on her & everything was okay again..his verdict was her heart was too weak to pump all water ard the body hence causes swelling in her foot..her heart hasn't been good since the op & part of her heart tissues were actually dead which means she has a higher chance of having heart failure again..this one we knew from the NUH doc long ago..but jus don't know why the swelling until now den start..mb cause her heart is getting weaker? i really don't know & don't wan to know. After consultation & contributing $100 plus to ttsh, she was given some med & had to go back see if the swelling gone down in 1 weeks' time..her eye op is actually scheduled this fri..but now i don't know if she can still go for it anot..hopefully wont get postpone, if not we have to waste time again to do the assessment test again..haix..

sometimes i was wondering if none of these even happened, i shld be like some of my frens, working full-time now, enjoying life & maybe much happier? i admit i din really put in enough effort to find a job..not an excuse but i just can't work full-time now..there are still many appts i need to acc her to this coming month so i really need a flexible job which allows me to off as & when so i can't leave my job now..& yes, i ald felt the pressure of finding job cos i have no idea what type of job to find..i hv ppl asking me how's my job hunting everytime & i am just speechless, just don't feel like explaining so much..but then it's not easy finding job now esp when so many graduates are finding at the same period..

it's really getting tiring, be it mentally or physically..for the past 3 yrs, i am always the one handling everything & anything..jus cos i am the eldest, i am supposed to know & able to handle more things? Having to worry abt this & that is not a day or two thing..some ppl just feel that i am being too pessimistic but nobody can really understand what i am gg thru..not becos i nv say, but becos i know even if i say, things wont change much..it will only add burden to others so what's the point of saying..so i ain't gg to explain anymore..i jus wan our simple life back, a life w/o so much pain, worries, sadness, tears & problems..isit really that hard? now the only thing we can do is taking one step at a time & see how things go ba..hopefully nth major will happen..that's what i always wiish for..sometimes i jus wiish i can heck care abt everything & just leave..but can i?? :(

so after everything, went back home to rest awhile b4 gg to work..& work today sucks too..shortage of manpower, many probs here & there plus went hm so late! not my day i guess & i was super tired today..i slept on bus, slept on train & even walking i feel like sleeping. Haven been sleeping well for the past week & i felt like a zombie today..i think i really need my slp now..i promise i will be better tml, being the usual me. :) felt so much better pouring everything here..okay no more negative thoughts, just slp! tml will be a better day..goodnight~

Labels: too tired for everything

;