A touch of Sweetness

Me, myself and i!

XxGraceoO
21
Singapore !
Student
SIM

Loves..

anyting !
$$$ :p
freedom
heels!
my frens & loves :)
my family :)
my melody ^^
KJK..Pornsak =D
play , eat, slp, watch tv etc..

Hates..

alot of tings actually
tests/exams?
getting hurt (it's nt a nice feeling)
all insects (eeeeeek!!)

^_^Wiishes^_^

to earn big bucks soon :)
more $$ pls
visit Korea!!
to go on vacation
to enjoy life ttm :)
to have more time/rest
frens, family & loves to be healthy & happy always ^^
life to be smooth sailing..
& to be happy always!!=)

...Links!

Grace Ng

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...My past!

...Pls vent all angers here!!

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

20th may 1999 (the day i dread most)
11 yrs ago..u left us w/o a word..
i was nt prepared at all..maybe cos i was still young..i was only 10..
i still rmb vividly the unwilling-ness on ur face when u were forced to go to the hospital..
u were holding on to the gate so tightly, nt wanting to go...
but then mum & cousin insisted so u gt no choice..
u cant even walk properly & needed their help..
that's the last time i talked to u & saw u...
i was alone at home then..at a loss, crying while looking out of the window till the car was out of sight..
those scenes...i dun tink i will ever forget...

tat night, mum came back from the hospital..thinking tat u'll be alright...
i still think i would be able to see u the nxt day..
but in the middle of the night, we gt a call from the hospital saying u were in serious condition..
she woke us up & we rushed to the hospital..
in the car, on the way to the hospital, mi & sis were still blurred of wat was happening...
while at the hospital, the doc told us that ur heartbeat had stopped a couple of times & u might nt make it thru the night..
he told us to be mentally prepared...that's the 1st time i saw u at the hospital..& also the last time...
mum said u were ald unconscious when u were at the hospital..& u never regained from it...
at the ICU, i saw u lying on the bed with so many tubes on...
& a few hours later, u really left us...w/o any word or seeing us for the last time..
i still rmb-ed i cried so hard tat i was vomitting at the same time..
since then, our life changed..like totally..
life aint the same anymore....

thinking back, i had nt been a great daughter...
mi & sis only noe how to bully u..
cos u were tat patient with us, never once lay a finger on us even when we were naughty..
i rmb whenever we were forced to be kissed by u, we will hit u cos ur moustach would always pricked us..
i rmb i was scared of dark & always need the living room light to be on when sleeping...
but whenever u came home, u would switch off all the lights..
& then if i hadn't slp, i would jump out of my bed immediately & scolded u while switching the lights back..
everytime u would jus let us had our ways..i noe that's how much u doted on us..

once, i was searching thru our whole collection of photo albums, wanting to find any photo taken with u..
sadly, i could only find 1 with u, mi & sis..when we were still veri young..
i cant even find 1 with mum in it..y didn't we took more photos? sigh~
honestly, 10 yrs with u were really nt enough..
u seriously missed a large part of us growing up..
& it's a regret that i wont be able to treat u better...or to even provide for u when i start working in future..
we din even go overseas together as a family b4...okay except for m'sia..
there were like so many things we didn't manage & wont had the chance to do together le..

now..11 yrs later..i am 21 ald..how times fly..
there were still lots of misses..
i missed u fetching mi to sch every morn..
i missed u forcing to kiss mi everytime..
i missed u bickering & arguing with mi..
i missed u singing "妹妹抱着洋娃娃" to us whenever we were upset with u..
i missed u trying to defend us whenever we were punished by mum..& ended up being scolded too..
i missed u bringing us to serangoon garden to have the famous chicken rice..
i missed u bringing us to serangoon north to see those birds & pets...& it's amazing tat we are staying at serangoon north now :)

dearest 老豆 (yes, tat's how we addressed him. i duno why.)
there are so many things i wanted to tell u..
i love u...& u noe i will always do =)
though i dun show it, i have the emotional side of mi too..
i am just a human aft all..
i still misses u alot though i seldom mention abt u..
i really hope u'll continue to bless us..esp mum..
her health hasn't been tat good since the operation...
i am really scare of having the same thing happening again..
the fear in mi is totally undescribe-able & nobody will understand...
but i know u will....

wow..din realise i had typed such a long entry..wonder how i even manage to do it...
pls dun ask mi if i am fine aft reading tis entry..cos i will be lying if i say i am...
i jus need some time alone..& i promise i will be okay soon...

ps:i am jus missing u......badly :(

Labels: memories 20051999

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